Shego and Company
by SDZero
Summary: Ditched by her own "friends," Camille wakes up the next day to find out not only how bad things have gotten for the three queens of crime but also discovers first hand who's filling in for Kim Possible. Reviews warmly welcomed
1. The Crooked Life

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - The Crooked Life

Some weeks after the conclusion of Far From Grace

A free woman and I'm still doing sit ups like I'm back in my cell. Oh well, feels more like actual exercise than just killing time now that I know I can hop into the shower anytime I like. Two months in Los Angeles... fucking La La Land. My mistake for letting Camille pick where we should hide out. Sunshine, beautiful scenery, douchebags and assholes as far as the eye can see. Oh yea, City of Angels, the fallen angels. If I wasn't America's mass murdering sweetheart, I might actually try and tolerate those people for a decent sunbathing session. The place is simple enough; cleanish, no rats, Lynn seems to like it ok but Camille can't keep her fucking mouth shut for two seconds, always yapping she deserves better. I miss working solo, even Dr. D would be a nice change of pace.

I peel myself off the linoleum when the girls get back; Lynn in a brown wig and Leon in brown skin. Lucky bitches; one's a good actress so she can keep coming up with covers and the other shapeshifts. Me? I'm green from head to toe, can't hide that under a bad hair piece and I don't like the idea of covering every inch of exposed skin with base. Essentially, it's the same deal I had in prison minus the arm restraints and guards waiting for me to sleep so they can diddle me, now I got Lynn to do that. "Not to sound like a total bitch but either of you bimbos planning on actually coming up with a heist anytime this year?"

Leon changes back and gets all pissy, trying to give me a hard look like it'll scare me or something. Ohh, look out, ninety pound skank on the loose. Lynn drops a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. "Nothing good to steal yet, Go girl. Unless you wanna kidnap some big name celebs," she says. I shudder and shake my head; living with two fallen starlets was enough, I don't want to deal with any current Hollywood royalty on top of that. "Oh common, we snag a pop star, put up a ransom and wait for the money to roll in."

Not to mention my migraines to kick in. "No hostages. I don't want to do anything that involves dealing with anyone new for long periods of time. Just keep your eyes open, something's bound to come up.," I tell her before toweling off my sweat.

Camille can't go two second without complaining, I swear to god. "Ugh, do you have to do that, like, everyday? You smell totally rank and those bulges on your stomach are seriously gross."

Just as I was thinking about slapping Leon until her teeth fall out, Lynn got the drop on me and held me from behind, feeling up my mid section. "Get some taste, Camille, Shego is just toned and sexy while you're just flat and boring." She pulls close to my ear but she says it loud enough for Leon to hear it too. "She's just jealous because this guy was totally hitting on me and not her."

Well that's a fun piece of gossip. "You don't say? The polymorph princess got her feelings hurt?"

Camille was just seething. "Like I care, I only date celebrities, not Hollywood Boulevard trash. He wasn't even that cute."

Lynn giggles. "Oh, he was cute, cute enough for me to flirt with anyway. Too bad that address I gave him was fake, he might've been fun to play with."

I shake my head, sometimes, this girl can really make me smile. "Well at least you're keeping level headed enough not to blow our cover."

"Ohh, goody, does that mean I get to see more of your toned bulges now?"

Damn it if I couldn't keep myself from laughing. No way I'll get serious with a another woman but I can't believe I've let myself get this close to her. "Don't hold your breath. Just find something decent to steal, I'm hitting the shower." I make a b-line for the bathroom and make sure the door was locked before stripping down, we're not so hard up for cash that I need Lynn popping in and share a shower with me. I turn on the flow and just stand there, letting that nice, hot water beat against my skin. Damn it feels great, just makes me happy for some reason. Brand name shit, now that's what I'm talking about; soap that doesn't dry out my skin, shampoo and conditioner that actually does more then keep lice out of my hair. I get so lost lathering and scrubbing, I didn't notice Lynn picking the lock and breaking in until she was helping me rub the conditioner into my hair. "Damn it, Lynn!"

She's already bare ass naked and all she can do is laugh while I'm yelling at her. "Figured you could use some help on those hard to reach places."

Well, it's not like I can really stop her or that I care enough to try. "Fine but actually clean this time, don't just play. Not unless I still owe you something."

She grabs the spare luffa and gets to work. "Not that I can think of, you big spoiled sport. Mmm, I see you've been keeping your ass in shape, very firm."

"Less groping, more scrubbing."

She behaves after that, at least by her standards. When we both step out, Camille was getting ready to start more shit. You'd think we were hiding out in Napa Valley there's so much whine coming out of her "You two are such dykes, I swear to god."

I don't care enough to tell her to piss off but Lynn always seems to have fun antagonizing her. "Aww, are you jealous?"

"As if." When Leon turns around, Lynn grabs her wet towel and snaps it across Camille's scrawny ass. I got to admit, I laughed when she jumped off the ground and screamed like that. She kinda overreacted by changing her hand to a bear claw to try and maul Lynn's face off. "You bitch!"

Adrena Lynn, probably just to show off, ducks it by pulling a reverse somersault into a back flip and finish it with an obnoxious pose on the landing. "Ta-da!"

That's when I decided to play referee. I step up and start a little green kindling in the palm of my hand. "Alright children, behave or mama spanks." I was expecting Lynn to jump all over that spank comment but she saw I was serious and let it slide. At least now I'll get some peace and quiet from these two... for now anyway.

The day pretty much slows down after that, gets late before I know it. A decent bed, not as nice as the hospital bed but it beats a prison cot. Too bad I can't sleep. Two weeks I've been in this place and all the stolen cable, magazines, and newspapers can't quell this restlessness inside me. I need to step out, I need to do something. Past midnight, Lynn hasn't tried to sneak in under my sheets, guess that means the coast is clear. I slide out of bed and put on some basic dark clothes, no need to flash the old black and green and make myself a target for every cop and fed in a ten mile radius. Keep it simple, black clothes, black gloves, ski mask, you're just some forgettable thug looking for a quick score. Of course, that doesn't mean I can't be slick about it.

I open the window and leap out, a three story drop. A quick bounce off the awning breaks the momentum enough so I don't twist an ankle. Glad I haven't gotten too rusty. City still looks alive about a mile over, not so much on this side of town. What's this? A biker at this time of night? Now I won't need to call a cab. I lay low behind a tree and give the driver a flying dropkick to the side of the helmet. I land pretty neatly on my feet, the biker tumbles hard onto the grassy divider and the bike just skids on it's side. I prop the oriental importer back on it's wheels and straddle myself in. "Thanks for the ride, I'll leave it for the cops when I'm done with it." I rev up the engine, turn up the music and immediately eject the CD. I turn to the unlucky sap who's trying to get up, I think I might've broke one of his, yeah, now I'm sure it's a guy, I think I broke his leg. I throw the CD like a frisbee right across his visor. "Kenny G? Kenny fucking G? Are you fucking kidding me? You deserve to get jacked."

The little pussy pulls out his cellphone and I just ride off. Two minutes and this place is already starting to annoy me. Oh well, a quick smash and grab might cheer me up. If I'm lucky, I might even get into a high speed chase. Yeah, that'll really make this night worth while. Common L.A., look alive, Shego is back!


	2. Over the Edge

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Over the Edge

I'm not much for mornings, I'm more used to late nights of partying and indulging in every vice I can think of. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, after a few years in prison I'm more used to keeping one eye open incase I had any unwanted after hours visitor. Still, one good thing about waking up in the morning; I can probably snuggle Shego before she gets the strength to push me away. I sneak over to her room and she looks dead asleep. I jump into her bed and curl up against her back. Strange, she feels pretty sweaty, like she just worked out or something. I push my luck and suck on her neck a little. Salty but tasty, I should hickey her after her exercise time more often. Should've seen this coming; she clumsily elbows my tit to get me off. "Lynn, go back to bed..." she groans.

Glad she's still out of it, that would've really hurt if she actually put any effort into that elbow. "It's nine in the morning, Go girl, why so tired?"

She inches further toward the edge of the bed. "Tired, bother me later."

Another attempt to snuggle her backside leads me to spot a paper bag wedged between her bed and the wall. "What is that?"

She moans while trying to adjust to her new spot on the bed. "What's what?"

"That bag next to your bed."

She yawns. "Oh... just fifty grand."

"Fifty?! When the hell did... did you go out last night?"

"No shit, Sherlock, now let me get so fucking sleep already."

No need to make her grumpy, she's dangerous enough as it is when she's in a decent mood. After I slide out of her bed, I make my way to the kitchen where I see Camille's already morphed into a new look. "Leaving so early? How about you stick around and I'll whip up some coffee." I might not like her but we have to live together, might as well make peace where I can.

Of course, I should've known better; good deeds always backfire on you. "Sh'yeah, right. I'm going to Starbucks."

"Dammit, Camille, you're just wasting money. We have Starbucks beans right in the damn counter, I'll brew some."

"Drink you're swill? As if." Fucking bitch just trots out the door. I throw a knife in a huff, a little frustrated it only nailed the door and not that skank's back.

Oh well, screw her. I turn on the T.V. and start brewing. Morning news, wonder if there's anything good on, like something big to steal. Nothing so far, nothing worth swiping anyway, but I nearly miss something good by the time the java starts peculating. I turn up the volume. _"-ils are sketchy but what is known is that the thief is still on the loose and extremely dangerous. As this tape shows, the culprit approached the store's bullet proof window at full speed on a motorcycle before dismounting, turning the vehicle into a deadly projectile, shattering the glass with ease. The owner told police that over ten thousand dollars was stolen from the safe, the lock apparently melted through with an acetylene torch._"

Damn, she really went all out, didn't she? I pour myself a cup of joe and start greasing up a frying pan with some spray-on butter; I'm in the mood for some bacon and eggs. I take a quick sip before cracking two eggs open. The report keeps playing. _"Though there are no clues to the suspect's identity, footage caught on a cellular phone leads investigators to believe that the robbery was not an isolated incident. Here, we can see someone, who police specialists have confirmed matches the perpetrator in the earlier video, jumping from rooftop to rooftop in Los Angeles's Hollywood district. The video was recorded about an hour after the first robbery and four other store fronts in the area have reported separate break-ins that night."_

Shit, five places in one night, no wonder Shego's so tired. I scramble the eggs, make my bacon nice and crispy and start eating right on the counter. Hmm, bacon's good, my eggs need work though, maybe some extra spice. Stuck up Camille, this coffee is just as good as what you get on the corner without dealing with snotty baristas. I wash down the last bite of eggs with the rest of my coffee, I keep the pot hot for Shego. Guess I'm pretty much demoted to housewife now, that all-nighter Shego pulled got us some serious spending money. Hell, she did in what night what me and Camille couldn't do in two months. By the time I finish rinsing off my plate, Shego shambles up to the counter like dawn of the dead. "You made the news, congrats. "

Shego groans. "Fuck... don't tell me they know it's me already. I didn't even run into any cops."

"Naw, some security footage and a cell vid, they're clueless. Coffee?"

"Please and lots of it."

I pour her a cup and leave it black, the way she likes it. She takes a sip and I swear I can see life coming back into her eyes. "Want some breakfast?"

She moans quietly from the taste of the coffee and nods her head softly. "Yes, yes I do. We still got those frozen pancakes?"

Oh, was that a shot at my cooking skills? "Frozen pancakes? Are you serious? I can make you pancakes, tasty pancakes. Bitch, I can make you waffles."

She smiles, it's friendly, it's genuine, the kind of smile that tells me that me and her, it can work. At least, I like to think so. "Oh, waffles huh? You got the balls to make waffles?"

"They're fucking huge balls."

"Fine, make your waffles. They better be perfectly round, not a burn mark on them, each little pocket filled with syrupy goodness and they better be the delicious damn waffles I've ever had if you're so damn eager to make em'."

I grab a bowl and a box of mix. "They'll be so good, you'll be eating me out for a week you're gonna be so damn grateful."

She pours herself another cup of coffee and turns to the boob tube. "We'll see about that." So I make the batter, I make it my way, I don't follow those grade school instructions on the side of the box, I don't let a piece of fucking cardboard tell me how to make waffles. I pour my mix into the waffle iron, make sure it's nice and neat. Shit, I almost forgot how much fun cooking is. Between being locked up and getting tied up with my old show, I haven't made a waffle in eight years. Now I really hope it comes out good. "Hey, I'm back on the news... at least I think it's me."

I set the iron on a timer and lean over the counter. Yup, it's her again. _"This just in, more details on last night's mystery thief, this time from the chief of police. It's been determined, after careful review of the videos taken last night, we're replaying them now for those who missed it, that the culprit is female and extremely agile. Though her face was obscured by a ski mask, the police have narrowed their list of suspects to a few known female criminals with exceptional acrobatic skills. Top of the list is former extreme stunt starlet, Adriana Lynn, better known as Adrena Lynn, who is currently wanted for her involvement in the prison riot massacre that took place-."_

What the fuck?! "I'm their number one suspect!? Just because you did some fl... damn it, Shego! You just fucked me over! Why couldn't you do some of that sneeky shit you're so good at doing?"

I was so fucking pissed! She has super powers, she has those claws, she's even more buff than I am, why did they only tape her doing the flipping stuff. There's a look on her face, it's an expression of guilt, she didn't mean to put me under the spot light but I was too fucking livid to see that. "Lynn, common, you can do that shit in your sleep. It's not my fault those dicks think it's you on that."

"Yeah but they do. Thanks a lot."

"Hey, I was just stretching my legs. Six months in prison, the hospital stay, hell, even here I'm all cooped up. I didn't want to screw things for you, I just needed some damn outdoors time."

"Oh, you needed outdoors time? You? Bitch, I was in jail for years, **YEARS! **While you were stealing science crap and having your slap fights with Possible, I was crammed into a cell and had to shower with two hundred other women! I didn't have a mad scientist sugar daddy to break me out, I had to ride out that shit! See, this is just like the riot all over again; you don't have a plan and I end up getting fucked in the end!"

"Hey, you got fucked up because you decided to help me, that was your mistake. Lynn, you're overreacting. They don't know shit, they can't pin this on you, they're just making buzz."

I slap the pot off the counter, sending shards of glass and hot coffee sliding all over the floor. "This is L.A.! Buzz is the goddamn life blood of this city! They don't need to be right, they just need to say my name on CNN and I'm the bitch everyone's looking for! You know what, fuck it, I'm out of here!" I storm out for the door.

"Lynn, don't be such a bitch. Common, what about the cops, they'll be looking for you. What about the big score? What about us, all of us? What... what about the waffles?"

I open the door, turn around, and flip her the bird. "Waffle this, cunt!"

The door slams and make my way to the stairs, I don't even notice Shego running after me until she grabs my shoulder. "Damn it, Lynn, stop being stupid!"

I swing around, try to push her away, too much spin, too much force, I lose balance and break through the cheap wood railing. I fall, Shego grabs my wrist and I'm dangling three stories from the ground. Not much... but it's enough. "OH GOD! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! Don't let me fall, don't let me fall!"

I can hear her straining to keep a hold of me. "Lynn, get a grip! The hell is wrong with you?"

Can't tell her, not now, I can't even think straight. The floor seems even farther away, I start noticing all the hazards; falling across the banister, scrapping against the corner of that vending machine, chips of concrete tile digging into my skin on impact, infecting me, puncturing some internal organ, slicing through my nerves. I can't do anything but focus on every little thing that'll put me back in traction. "Please don't let me fall!"

Now I can't see anything, crying uncontrollably, so scared, I must be digging my nails into her forearm. It takes time but she pulls me up, pulls me away from the edge. I'm still losing it, not so much, but the last thing I am right now is coherent. Shego drags me back into the apartment and slaps me across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

I can't tell her, I hated her for making me a wanted woman and it's her fault I got the shit beat out of me by the skin heads. But she saved my life and I just wanted to focus on that now. I throw myself to her waist and cry the last of my hysterical tears into her shirt. "Thank you... thank you..."


	3. Like, Totally Lame

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Like, Totally Lame

(Author's Note: Inspired by an earlier review, this takes place immediately after Chapter 2, Over the Edge, and ends in the middle of the upcoming Chapter 4. This is mainly to give Camille Leon more meaning in the series, especially to why she stays with Lynn and Shego.)

Ugh, I still can't believe the nerve of that washed out has been. Bagged coffee? From a store bought brewer? As if. If I'm going to get coffee, I'm going to have it served to me by professionals, with professional machines and professional beans, not some over the counter shit like an ordinary yokel. I'm above that kind of thing, don't those dykes see that? I'm Camille Leon, they should start treating me with some damn respect, I saved their loser asses from Global Justice. Yeah, those bitches totally owe me. I should remind them who's in charge when I get back.

Gah, I hate this, seriously. Walking around looking like someone else, such a drag. I should be fucking worshiped like before and not have these hicks treat me like some criminal. I mean, just because I stole some stuff doesn't mean I still don't deserve the star treatment. Why couldn't I get the Winona Ryder slide? Whatever, I need my Starbucks.

I go inside, make my order and wait for these Barista brats to screw it up. Takes forever but at least they get it right. I know they want me to put a tip in their little bucket but fat chance of that happening. I go to the condiment stand and some jackass just bumps me. "Hey, asshole, watch it!"

I turn around and some blonde dick in shades with a girl's voice tries sounding hard. "Bitch, you move your fat ass."

Wait, I know that girly voice. "Chino?"

Takes him a while to figure it out but then again, he always was a bit stupid. "Camille?"

We both squeal, I can't believe I ran into Chino! Of course, everyone's looking at us so we take our coffee to one of the outside tables. "Oh my god, Chino! It's been, like, forever! What are you doing here? How's everything? You still with Hoodie and Espadrille?"

I've been so meaning to catch up with the Fashionistas, I'm so lucky I ran into Chino. "Ok, ok, don't pop seam. I'm here because we're keeping a low profile. We wanna keep under radar until the upcoming summer lineup. Then, we're gonna meet up in Paris and totally steal everyone's design, it's gonna be major!"

"That sounds so hot, I want in."

That's when things went a little sour; he totally hesitates and puts on this weird face. "Well... no offense girlfriend, we don't need your kind of heat on us right now?"

"What?!"

"You're too hot and I don't mean Clooney hot. You were part of that whole massacre thing, you're poison right now."

"I didn't do shit in that prison, Shego and Lynn did! I just snuck out the first chance I got."

"Sorry, you know how it works. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, if People says you did it, you did it, end of story."

"Oh, that is such total bullshit! It's bad enough I have to live with those two bitches but now they're ruining my life! It's daddy all over again."

"Woah, wait, did you just say you're living with them? Shego and Lynn are here in L.A.?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Wow, no, I'm just surprised. Two psycho bitches lead a massacre and they hide out here? You'd think they'd be hiding out in redneck land where no one watches T.V. or read New York Times."

"Oh god, if I had to hide out there, I'd kill myself, I swear to God, I would. That's why I picked here to hideout."

"Well, at least you still got your priorities straight."

"So there's no way I can join you guys? Hell, I can look like anyone."

"Sorry, getting caught with you after what happened would give us serious jail time and I so do not want that."

"Oh please, don't act like you don't drop the soap on purpose. Jail for you is like speed dating without the small talk."

"Oh, fuck you bitch! You can rot in hell!"

He gets up and leaves after he throws his hissy. Fucking faggot. Those bitches think they're too good for me? Fuck 'em! I don't need the Fashionistas, I don't need Shego and Lynn. I'm Camille Leon, I'm the heir apparent of the Leon fortune! Sure, my parents pretty much stiffed me but I won't let that stop me. I deserve riches, I deserve fame. It's my right to live in the lap of luxury, even if I have to take from someone else. Hey, that gives me a totally great idea.

Since I can't get back my money and my fame, I'll take someone else's. I'll hit up the Hollywood hot spots as Britina and just put everything on her tab. Hell, it won't be the first time I go parading as that wannabe. I duck out of sight the first chance I get and make the change. Remembering a picture of her on Entertainment yesterday; new taste in clothes, different hair style, I'll look like that. I stroll my way into Hollywood and it's obvious that my Britina is flawless. All these people, these little people, just clamoring for my attention, wanting my autograph. This is what I deserve. But these tasteless peons think I'm Britina so it's her autograph they want. I blow them off and keep going, I even shove one down to the ground. No skin off my nose, it's Britina's publicist that'll have to deal with that. Ha, get mad loser, who you gonna cry to, US weekly?

Gotta keep my priorities straight; pushing over little people is fun but high fashion is a must. Just go into the boutique, clean out the top shelf stuff and put it all on this whore's tab. I saunter inside, I give the floor worker the old act; the squealing hello, the air kiss on both cheeks, the mindless small talk. Seems to be working so far, she isn't suspicious. "So how can I help you today, Britina?"

"Oh, just give me everything worth getting, sweetheart." What she gives me was just to die for. I can't believe how much I missed since going to jail and hiding out with those two. It takes almost two hours to try each of them on. Sure, there were some pretty bleh pieces compared to the premium stuff but I'm not paying for, so I'll take them. I go up to the counter and make my move. "Oh, I just love them all! Put them on my account."

The girl at the counter made a face and hesitated. "Umm... sure, just show me your ID."

What did she say? "I don't think you know what you're doing, I'm Britina."

"Yes and we are thrilled to have you here... it's just your agent told every store in California to ask that you show ID before buying anything, ever since your little incident with Camille Leon. Sorry, just a formality."

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. "Oh, well since she went to jail, I've been feeling real secure now, don't worry about that silly little rule."

She awkwardly sucks in a breath. "Still... I'd feel much better if you showed me your ID."

Fuck, I'm parading around as the flavor of the month and I'm catching flak from some retail bitch. Forget it Leon, just make a break for it, they'll probably end up thinking the bitch's gone Britney. I snag all the clothes under one arm and bolt for the door. Little bitch sounds the security alarm and a rent-a-cop tries to stop me. I hate the idea of touching this slob but I change into the current governor back in his action flick days and shove the pudgy bastard right out of my way. Now, I should've known, looking like a juiced up Austrian with an arm full of dresses, I was gonna catch attention but damn it, there's three real cops already coming straight for me. I make a dash for it but there's too many damn rubber neckers in the way, I can't break through them fast enough.

I throw the clothes to the ground, they swarm like flies to get a hold of one and it helps slow down the cops. I duck into the first alley I find and change shape, laying low till the cops move on. Damn it, I couldn't even rob a damn boutique, I'm so pathetic! I could've done that easy if I pretended to be any other celeb but no, I had to pick Britina because she was on a fucking magazine cover. I can't do this on my own, not while everyone knows about my shape shifting deal. I need... damn it... I need those two after all.

It takes a while to make sure the cops aren't still following me, at least I was able to do _that _right. I walk all the way back to the apartment, go up the stairs and I just hope they aren't mad at me or something. I mean, we're friends, why should they be mad at me? Because I treat them like shit, that's why. I take a breath before I reach for the door knob but it opens by itself. Now I'm looking at Shego and Lynn and they're dressed up like they're ready to go out. Did I miss something? "Umm... girls, I sorta need-"

Shego cuts me off and they walk right past me. "Can't talk, going out for drinks," she says.

Today's been really shitty and I don't think I can stand being blown off now, I need... fuck, I need my friends. "Wait, hey!"

Shego turns to me, looks at Lynn and then back at me. "You wanna come?"

Damn it, I need some damn support, don't be so fucking aloof you green bitch! Oh well... I guess some drinks might help me. "Umm... sure." I change myself one more time and we all go out for drinks. Me and my best friends. These are my best friends... that is so depressing.


	4. Bargain Basement Shrink

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Bargain Basement Shrink

It feels like I've been sitting in the living room for hours, just waiting for her to calm down. Lynn, she told me in prison, she told me she lost her fear of death. So why the hell did she freak like that? I'm not going to push her, it's my fault she's like this, my stupid mistake of doing all those robberies at once, pulling off all those risks just for fun. Can't believe I'm actually feeling guilty about this. I remember melting my fingers through a guard's face and that didn't make me feel as bad as I do now. Damn it, it was a whole lot easier when I didn't actually have a friend. Door knob's turning, she's coming out, I stand up and brace for a hysterical blonde. Good, she looks calm enough. "You okay?" She nods. "Good, so what the hell happened?"

She looks right at me, eyes are still puffy, guess this really did upset her. "I freaked out, you were there."

"But why?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do and I saved your ass, so spill."

She takes a deep breath and sits down on my chair. "Back... back in prison... I told you that being in there changed me, it helped me get over my fear of death, gave me back something I thought I lost."

"Yeah, I remember that but what do you call what happened then?"

"What happened... it wasn't a fear of death... it's a fear of surviving."

Now she lost me. "Alright, now you're just messing with me."

"No... god I wish. It's the most fucked up thing. I freaked because I couldn't stop thinking about all the ways I could survive that fall, all the injuries, concussions, infections-"

"So? Isn't that what being a daredevil is about?"

"I guess... but it's different with me. It happened during the first season of my show. Big finale stunt went wrong, got hurt in a bad way. I spent months in traction, painful traction. I broke bones, those bones punctured my organs, some of those punctures became infected. Every night it felt like my body was on fire, even the meds weren't helping most of the time. I wanted to die, every night I asked them to kill me but they just kept me on those machines, trying to keep me alive."

Fuck... I wasn't expecting anything like that. "But you got better, I've never seen you limp or anything."

She gives out a short, fake laugh. "You can thank the retard brats of America for that. My show was such a big hit, it paid for my entire medical expense and still kept my agent fat and happy. Every top surgeon, medical and plastic, worked on me to make sure I can do a season two. Took months, better than those first weeks but damn it was still bad. When I finally did get back on my feet, studio still wanted me to honor my contract for more episodes. Wasn't ready to get back on the saddle just then, that's when I started faking my stunts. Back then, I was afraid to die. Now I know better; living is the real hell, dying is the easy part."

"So that's why you freaked out like that? Because you thought falling was going to fuck you up again?"

"I was lucky, Shego. I had money, I had fame. What happens if I get hurt like that again? What if I have to live the rest of my life as some fucking cripple? Do you know how many times I just stare up in the ceiling at night, thinking about that, scared out of my fucking mind that might happen one day?"

"Then get out of the fucking game, go straight and I mean stop stealing. If you're so freaked out, just stop doing this shit."

"I can't! I love the thrill, I love this, I love-"

"Please don't say you love me."

"But I do, so fucking deal with it."

Damn she's stubborn. "So what, you're afraid of getting really fucked over but not dying?"

"YES! That's why this is so messed up!"

"Alright, then why didn't you just leave me during the escape? You knew those skin heads were going to tear you a new cunt, why did you keep carrying me instead of making a break for it on your own?"

"You know why."

"Yeah, yeah, cause you love me. But you're saying you love me more than your afraid of getting fucked up for the rest of your life?"

She goes to say something but stops and then starts to think it over. "Huh... I never thought about it like that before... I guess you're right."

Oy... no wonder she dropped out of high school. "Well, let's just make a deal then, shall we? As long as we're working together, you're getting hurt for me and I'm getting hurt for you. That way, you don't have to freak if this ever happens again because you'll be doing it for the both of us."

There's no way she'll buy that, even I can't believe I just said that. "Deal." I'm the only sane fucking person left on the planet, I swear to god. "So what now?"

Well, after all this, there's only one thing I can think of doing now. "Let's get shit faced. Know any good bars?"

We get dressed and head out the door just as Camille was making her way in, wasn't expecting that. We all just stand there for a while, sort of an awkward moment until Camille starts to say something. "Umm... girls, I sorta need-"

As much as I was interested in hearing what brilliant thing she was about to say next, I really needed a drink. I stroll right past her and Lynn's right at my side. "Can't talk, going out for drinks."

I think we're home free until we hit the stairs. "Wait, hey!"

Looking back at her, I can tell she looks really desperate, I guess she's been having a shitty day. I look at Lynn and I guess we're both thinking the same thing. "You wanna come?"

She hesitates, she thinks about it. Please, oh god please say no. "Umm... sure." Oh, right, I forgot, god hates me.

So now we go out, all three of us; me, a girl with severe mental problems who wants to fuck me any chance she gets and a brat shape shifter I'd like to toss off a bridge. Oh yeah, now I'm _REALLY _starting to miss Dr. D. Oh well, maybe I'm being too hard on them. Lynn did save my life and she is the best friend I can ask for... except for the whole sex thing and even that's not half bad most of the time. And Camille... well, Camille did bust us out of a tight spot when we needed it most and that ability of her's sure is useful. Hell, maybe with a little team work, a little patience... this will never work, I know it.


	5. Girl’s Night Out Part 1

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Girl's Night Out Part 1

The Last Call. Figures Lynn would recommend a place like this. According to her, this club made to look like a faux rave is owned by some mafia type so they're pretty lax on following the law here. That includes calling the cops when three known felons plop themselves down at the bar. She didn't know which mob runs this place exactly but I guess that doesn't matter right now. Bartender comes up to us and he looks just as ridiculous as these kids dancing around. Trying to tell myself not to rip those piercings right off his nipples at the first stupid thing he says. "Sup babes, what can I get y'all?" Oh man does he need to get hurt.

Lynn orders first. "Kamikaze."

Then Camille. "Cosmopolitan."

Now me. "Chardonnay."

Jackass makes a huge mistake. "Woah, sorry there babe. That stuff's only for the VIP area, no offense."

Alright, it's hurting time. "What? I didn't quite catch that!" He leans over the bar, I grab the back of his ratty head and slam his face down as hard as I can. I bust his nose wide open, he's using a wash rag to soak up the bleeding. "Now fetch or I'm breaking something else!"

He shuffles off and Lynn can't stop laughing. "Oh wow Shego, you're insane!"

Camille goes back to her snooty attitude. "That was like, so totally childish, ya know."

"Ask me if I care."

The rave monkey comes back with our drinks, fresh napkins stuffs up his nostrils. I take a sip, not bad, defiantly local, would've preferred something European. Oh well, not here for the class, I'm here to drink away my problems. After about an hour, we're all pretty smashed. Lynn seems to laugh at just about anything now, Camille can't hold her liquor for shit so she's barely hanging onto her stool. Me, I'm just losing my inhibition and I'm starting to remember how long it's been since I've been plowed by someone who doesn't scream out 'freaky' at every climax. I need dick and I know there's got to be a male prostitute somewhere around here. I've been waiting over a year to get this itch scratched, I'm not waiting any longer. I might be rusty, but I think I know how this works; he won't be on the dance floor, he'll be by the wall or something. After about two minutes I think I spot one; tight clothes leaning against the wall. No way he's there just to look pretty, he's working and I got his paycheck burning a hole in my pocket.

I walk up to him. My fucking luck, he tries to act suave when he sees me. I hope I can get through screwing him before I get the urge to gouge out his eyeballs. "Hey baby, looking for a good time? I can do-"

I cut him off. "You, stop right there. All I want to hear from you is how much and where we're going to do it. After that, the only noise I wanna hear from you is moaning."

He gets a little pissy faced but at least he's being professional about this. "Seventy-five and in the men's room stall."

I reach in my pocket, peel off a few twenties and yank him into the bathroom. "You wish, we're using the lady's room."

We go in, I shove out some bimbo in fishnets, lock the door, pick a stall and we go at it. I'm too buzzed to really focus on it but for the most part it's feeling good. Really get into it ten minutes in, that's when I start clawing his back. I've been feeling so pent up in the apartment for the last week that I've been sharpening my nails into little mini-claws, guess they were sharp enough to tear through this guy's clothes. "Hey! Watch the nails you crazy cunt!"

Now, when I'm drunk and getting screwed for the first time in way too long, apparently I get a little aggressive with my love making. I barely remember slamming his head back against the wall when I moved up to second gear but I do remember slapping his face around, calling him my bitch. Fuck that was hot seeing him all bruised up and scared looking. Sort of a blur after that, pretty sure I scratched him a few more times, cut him up all over his body. Had to wrestle him down when he tried to escape, guess I'm still in good shape. What I do remember is strangling him when I was close finish, just the feel of him struggle for dear life just pushed me over the edge. Damn that was a great climax.

When I pulled myself up, he was out cold. Good for me, I just took back my cash and shoved him out the window. Takes a little time to rinse some things out with the sink. Besides the obvious mess, I had blood all over my hand. Anyway, from getting my ass off the bar stool to getting back on it, took about under an hour. "Hey Go girl, where ya been?" Lynn asked before going into a drunken giggle.

Couldn't help but grin. "Oh, nothing, just went to the bathroom."


	6. Girl's Night Out Part 2

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Girl's Night Out Part 2

Oh wow, I'm having so much fun tonight. Shego looks like she's having fun, too. She seems so relaxed now, must've been one big shit she took in the bathroom. Since she's so calm, I try getting closer to her and kiss her, hoping she just ignores it as me being drunk and not knock me on my ass. My surprise, she kisses back, we even make out a little right there on the bar. Hot damn I love tonight, this almost makes up for the massive panic attack! Of course, when I try to round second base she shoves me back onto my stool. I'm so plastered, all I can do is laugh while everything spins around for a second. Well, I guess even when she's relaxed, she's still Shego.

Once the world stopped making me dizzy, I decided it was about time I really let loose and had some fun with these trendy assholes. So I get on the floor and I don't even know what I'm doing, I'm just moving my body as best I can to the rhythm but I probably look like I'm having a seizure for all I know. Oh well, doesn't matter, I'm having a great time making an idiot of myself so why stop it? Being drunk sure does change your perception, I can barely see people anymore, just moving shadows against flashing colors, it's like some surreal dream or something. Pretty sure I'm bumping into people too, can feel it but no one seems to mind too much.

Pretty sure I was grinding against someone too, some chick, can't even remember her hair color, let alone her face. But if she let a total stranger grind on her, I'm sure she was just some whore. I thought about approaching a guy, been long since indulged my hetro side and I've noticed some tanked up douches looking at me. Nah, maybe not tonight, I'll wait.

I go back to the bar and it looks like Shego's starting another glass of the sparkling stuff. I go to sit down and the only thing that keeps me from hitting the floor is the bar. I laugh my ass off. "Hhey Shego. Having a-a great time here, real blac-blast! Anything else we gonna do?" Damn, I'm so dizzy I can't even talk straight.

She takes a sip and looks back at me. "Well, we're good and tanked, can't do much with the lushutante. Maybe it's time we call it a night."

Ah, that's no fun. "No, common, think of something. I want this night to last forever!"

She grimaced a little. "I don't know... I mean... yeah, I had fun but we still need to plan our heist."

"Pleeeease! Heist later, fun now!"

I grab her wrist and try to pull her off her stool but I just trip over myself and stumble backward into the crowd. I bump into someone and feel some splash back from their drink, bet there's more on them than me. "Hey! Watch where you're going you stupid bitch!"

What an asshole! I spin around and try to get in his face. "Hey, fuck you!" And then he just ups and leaves, what an asshole! Good thing I remember to lift his wallet, guess I'm not _t_oo drunk after all. I stagger back to Shego with my prize for the night. "Hey, check out what I snagged from some dickhead."

She smiles. "Pedestrian but classic. So crack it open already."

I do and it's a big let down. "Shit, only ten bucks cash."

Shego takes the wallet out of my hand. "Cheer up, look at this with some vision," she tells me, emptying the wallet on the bar. "Two credit cards, an ATM card, gift card to Spencer's so right off the bat we know he has no fucking taste."

"Yeah, yeah but that shit's only good for, like, a few hours before he reports it stolen. No one's open tonight and we can't fucking use an ATM without... shit, what's that thing called."

"PIN code number?"

"Yeah, one of those things."

She smirks, the good kinda smirk, the kind that always leads to someone getting their shit wrecked and we're doing the wrecking. "Good point, so let's go ask him," she says, pulling out the driver's licence.

This night's gonna be so cash. "H-hey, what about... uh, Camameal?"

"Camille?" She looks back at our sloshed sister and just shrugs. "She'll find a ride. Now common."

On our way out, I get an idea I just couldn't resist. "Hey, I know how we can get their!" Pretty soon we were jumping off rooftops and I was laughing my ass off from how much fun it was. As drunk as I am, I'm amazed I was nimble enough to do it. "Now this is how you get around town!"

I make a wild leap for a condo and fall on my ass, giggling like an idiot. Damn I'm such a goofy drunk. Shego peels me off the tar. "You sure you're okay to roof hop?"

"Yeah, don't sweat it. So how much farther?"

"I think we're close. Oh, this is going to be fun."

I don't know what Shego had in mind when she said fun but I know I'm going to like it. After a few more rooftops, we finally catch up to the prick, his car parked right outside. A rumble in my gut gives me a nasty idea. "Hey, you go get started. I need to... detail our friend's car here," I tell her while I perch myself over the windshield of his convertible.

Shego gets the idea when I start yanking down my jeans. "Now that's just nasty! I'm so proud of you!" she laughs before busting down the door.

I can hear him and someone else start screaming inside, some chick, probably his date or something. It takes me a few minutes to redecorate his interior, I had a big lunch. Shit, now I'm going to have streak marks, this asshole better have enough to cover a new pair of panties. I go in just as the girl tries to make a break for it. I grab her and drag her back to the living room. "Sorry, show's not over yet." Bitch actually pulls my hair! I don't know if the knuckle into her diaphragm and the knee up her nose was uncalled for or not but the skank shouldn't have pulled my hair. "You feel like being grabby now, bitch?"

"Hey, don't fucking touch her!" he screams out like he can fucking scare me or something. Shego damn near breaks his arm twisting it behind his back and slams him face down to the floor. Bet he wishes he didn't call me a stupid bitch now.

The action gets me focused enough to keep this bitch down on the ground. Shego's all business though. "Alright limp dick, just give us you're PIN code and we're out of here."

"Fuck you!" What a dumbass.

I can see Shego starting to lose it but instead she looks at me grinning. "Hey, you think he cares more about his money or his girl over there?"

Takes me a second but I see where she was going with this. "Mmm, let's find out. Better scream nice and pretty girl, if he holds out on us, you're not gonna have much of a sex life after this." I start slow by taking the girl's fingers and bend them over backwards. She starts crying like I'm already breaking them. I should worry about neighbors hearing all this but it's LA so they're probably wanking over all this with their ears to the wall. The guy looks away so I guess that means he needs some more convincing. I pull hard and break three of her fingers. "I hope you can get off left-handed."

"You fucking psychos!"

Ugh, what a whiny brat, it's his fault anyway. Shego shuts him up by scratching him deep. Pretty good cut without her gloves, she must keep those things razor sharp all the time. Thinking about it makes me tingle. "Sorry, that's not a PIN number." I rip out a hunk of hair and hand it off to Shego. She really is loving this, she takes a deep whiff of it before wrapping it around that bastard's neck. I wish she was this kinky all the time. "Now how about it?"

"Alright... it's... 3..426."

Shego just pulls the hair around him tighter. "You trying to fuck with me? Here's a tip; if you're going to give someone a fake number, don't be such an obvious liar!"

Well, I guess that means it's time to escalate things. I pull out a switchblade from my back pocket and make a quick cut on the top of one of her tits to get their attention. "We're not fucking around here, faggot! Now give us the number or this bitch's next baby is gonna be a formula drinker if you catch my drift." Yeah, I'm doing it just to take her top off but it'll make a nice trophy if we can't get the PIN.

Little faggot breaks down crying, begging us to stop. "Alright, I'll tell you! It's 1230 now let her go!"

Shego gives me a nod and I shove the skanky slut aside. She just curls up bawling. Shego pushes down the asshole and motions me over. "Well, pleasure doing business with you. But we just need to make sure you don't call the cops when we leave." She starts curb stomping him like a flaming bag of shit and I jump right in, laughing. Hell, we're both laughing, this shit was fun. When his face was just a blue and bloody mess, we finally stop. Well, Shego stops, I decide to drive my switchblade through his hand and pin it to the floor. "Nice touch but I just got one more thing to do before we go." Go girl makes her way to the bitch, snatching her by the bangs when she tries to run. She slams a knee into her crotch and drives her up against the wall, propping her head up by the neck. I think my nipples are getting hard just watching. "You know what, I don't like your face," she spits before slashing up the bitch's face with those nails of her's. After she was done, Shego just lets her drop and spits in her open cuts. "You made me break a nail, cunt. If I see you again, I'm gonna fucking gut you like a fish."

I wait till we get outside before I say anything. "Hey, that last part was pretty dark. It was just a fun robbery."

"What the hell are you talking about? You fucking pinned that asshole's jerk off hand to the floor with a knife."

Oh shit, I did. That was like ten minutes ago and I already forgot. "Fuck, you're right. Screw it, let's go get our money." We hit the ATM and pull out about a grand, max limit. After that, we dump the wallet down a sewer grate and headed home. Huh, I can't remember to clearly but I'm pretty sure those two were a blond and a red head. Wonder if that means anything?


	7. Morning After Pills

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Morning After Pills

I creak out a groan when the light hits my eyes. Damn blinds, always lets in sunlight through that one crack that's always somehow pointed right at my head. I look at the clock radio but I can't make out the numbers, I'm too fucking hung over to focus right now. I roll out of bed and my mouth tastes like two week old bile. Always happens when I get smashed out of my skull, can't even remember most of last night. Wait, it's starting to roll back into focus. We went out, I smashed the bartender's nose in... fuck it, I'm sure I'll remember the rest later. My clothes smell like shit and there's a nasty tear in my nicest pants. Glad I stole these. Peel these off and slide on a pair of jeans, much better. I need to rinse out my mouth with something; Listerine, rubbing alcohol, anything to get the taste out of my mouth. Looks like I'm not the only one having morning trouble, when I step into the bathroom I see Lynn's face deep in the toilet, holding on to it for dear life. "You gonna puke or are you just getting chummy with a brown log?"

I twist the cap off the mouthwash while she flips me off with a shaky hand. "H..ey, fuck you. I haven't been drunk in... fuck, too damn long. I feel like shit."

I slam back a mouthful of green stuff and swish it around my mouth. Fuck, that shit stings! I spit it out and gasp for breath. "Fuck... I hate using this crap, it's like acid piss." I look back at Lynn and she still hasn't booted. "What are you waiting for?"

"Ugh... I feel something... I think. I puked ten minutes ago and now I'm too scared to pull my head out."

Well, that was nice to know. I go to the kitchen and slide a pair of pop tarts into the toaster. Damn things will make me ass swell up but I'm too fucking out of it to make anything that needs more work than pushing down a lever. While they cooked, I pop in about four aspirins in my mouth and try to wash them down with a bottle of water I blindly grab from the fridge. I end up spitting the stuff out along with three of the pills. Instead of a bottle of regular water, it was that flavored water Lynn goes so crazy for. Meh, not bad, I guess, just caught me by surprise. Hangover headaches trump dignity, I pick up the little brown bastards and pop them back into my mouth. When I finally choke them all down with a mouthful of Cheery Cherry Oasis, Lynn comes stumbling out of the toilet. "You toss again or just got tired of waiting?"

She plops herself down on the counter the same time my ass fattening pastries jump out the toaster. "Hey...Shego, do you know where I left my..." she pauses to let out a wet fart. Fuck, if it sounds that nasty, I can only imagine how bad it's going to smell. "Fuck, sorry. Anyway, do you know where I left my switchblade? It wasn't in my jeans."

Good question, I can't remember anything too clearly but I do remember her knife last night. I take a bite out of one of the pop tarts while I think it over. Damn it's nice to have something hot and sugary in my mouth, to hell with the cellulite. "I think you used it last night. Yeah, we mugged... someone and then you pulled it out."

She just sat their, staring at me blankly while I went to town on that toaster treat. She finally remembers what I was talking about. "Oh yeah, when we broke into that asshole's house. Now I remember."

Wait, did we break into a house last night? "I don't remember a break in. I remember robing some douche but... fuck, rest's a blur."

"Yeah, it was your idea. Don't you remember? You were a lot less shit-faced than I was last night, I kept falling over."

Fuck, this always happens when I drink. "Nah, I just hold up better when I'm drunk but the morning after, it's like fucking Drain-o through my head. I can't remember too much of last night."

"Shit, really? You were pretty fucking vicious. I mean, yeah, I fucking crucified that asshole when I skewered my knife through his hand."

"What?! Why did you do that?"

She just shrugs. "I was running on Kamikazes and jello shoots, I just went with it, I guess. But you, you fucking made that bitch your bitch... what... yeah, whatever. You pinned her against the wall and fucking clawed her face off, it was fucking hardcore!"

Wait... that can't be right. I thought I had a dream about... no, fuck I did. I always do something stupid when I'm that drunk. "Well fuck, that just fucks up everything."

"What?"

I grab the other pop tart and hand it to her. "Witnesses, DNA trail, fucking CSI supervillain! Lynn, we massacred a prison and ditched Global Justice. We pop back on the grid and we'll have holy hell to pay."

My little blonde daredevil just stares at me, taking it all in before she takes a huge bite out of that still steaming pastry. "So what? Kim Possible retired, who's going to catch us?"

Hearing her say that stings a little. Don't know why but I turn away so she can't see my face flinch. "GJ shock troops, really pissed off feds, take your pick. You'll wish Kimmie was coming after us." I say this next thought under my breath but she hears it. "I know I do."

"What? Did you just... oh man!" She starts laughing it up, I guess she's getting over the hangover already.

"What's so damn funny?"

"Oh my god, you actually miss her!"

"Fuck you!"

"No, be honest, you do! Shit, now it makes sense, why you tore that red head apart last night. You miss it, the old cat and mouse, good versus evil, all that big theatrical bullshit. Fuck Shego, you're a grade A campy villain!"

Hate to admit it but the cunt struck a nerve there. I get pissed off enough to fire a warning shot at her. Problem is, I'm still too hung over to aim straight and I end up scrapping her forearm. No big, it was only a mild shot, nothing serious, doesn't even leave a burn mark. "You see this? You see me? Do you see my green tint complexion? Do you see the energy bolts that come out of my fucking hands?! What else am I going to do with my life? Be a drug queen? Go into professional wrestling? These powers didn't leave a lot of career options! I'm the freak, the weirdo! It's either supervillainy or superheroics. Either way, I'm stuck living the cape life. You have a choice, you can go to another country, duck the law, live any new life you want. Me? Even if I could wait out the heat, I'm marked. They wouldn't let someone like me just assimilate into their normal world and criminals normally don't like mixing with mad scientists and super freaks. That fucking rock branded me a campy villain the day it fell in my backyard!"

Lynn rubs her sore spot until it goes numb. I really snapped this time but she looks unfazed by it. "Yeah, but you were on the other side of the cape once, weren't you? Playing superhero with your brothers?"

"You're point?"

"This thing you got for Kim, I think I get it."

"Ugh, not listening."

"You're jealous!"

I nearly break my hand from how hard I slammed my fist on the counter when she said that. "What!?"

"Admit it! You are! Yeah, you had no choice when you got your powers so you played Justice League with your brothers. Well, until you decided to do your own thing anyway. Then Kim Possible comes along, no powers, doing it all because she wants to and she does it better than you did! That's why she's always on your mind, she's better than you and it pisses you off!"

I pull back my hand to claw her eyes out but she just stands there, like she's daring me to. Fucking cunt _is _fearless. I'm not in the right set of mind to have this fight, can't think straight. In the end, I break down. "Yes, fine, I am! I couldn't stand the whole hero thing so I quit, tried to find something without so much responsibility. Seeing the princess do what I did, but more, with so much ease just pisses me off to no end! If she was getting paid to do all that, I probably wouldn't even care about the skank but the fact that she does it out of the goodness of that bleeding little heart of her's... it just makes me... makes me...!" I scream out and blow up the microwave in a hissy fit. "She does it on purpose, she's just rubbing my nose in it, I just know it!"

Lynn grabs my hand and tries to calm me down. "Then let's just kill her!"

I shove her away. "Kill her? There's no point in killing her, she's retired!"

"So?"

"So I'm not the one who made her quit!" After that little genie was out of the bottle, I finally started to calm down. "It's not fair... she was suppose to quit because of me. I was going to break her spirit, show her what happens when you think you can just up and one day start playing superheroine to the world. What's the point of having powers, having a fucked up life, if it doesn't make you any better than the prom queen? I had to lose my mom to get these powers, why does she get to have her's and be such hot shit? It's just so fucking unfair... I hate her so much and now... I'll never have my revenge."

She slips her arms around me and kisses my jaw. "Then let's get you your revenge. That bitch is too high and mighty to keep to herself, she'll go back to her busybody ways sooner or later. And when she does, you and me baby, we'll make her beg for mercy."

I turn to her and kiss her lips. "You always say the sweetest things. Thanks." The sentiment calmed me down but I know it's an empty gesture in the big scheme of things. "We're still royally fucked though. I pull an all nighter that they pin on you, our little late night adventure, god knows what Camille does when she's..." Shit, I didn't realize it until now. "Where is she anyway?"

"We ditched her, she was passed out at the bar like a freshman. I guess she never found a ride."

Fuck, that's just perfect. "We need to leave L.A., like now. After we find her, we haul ass somewhere safe, until they give up looking for us."

"And then what?"

I grab my fat bag of cash and drop it at Lynn's feet. "I don't know about you but I'm going to devote every waking minute into forcing Kimmie back into uniform and when she does, I'll be there to break every bone in her body. She's going to be beaten, humiliated, broken... and I'm going to be the one that does it."

Lynn picks up the bag and smirks at me. "No, _we'll _be doing it together."

"Sure, why not? I'm flexible."


	8. Such Major Draggage

All characters of Kim Possible are property of Disney.

Shego and Company - Such Major Draggage

I can't believe those two royally ditched me like that last night! I wake up face down against a nasty city curb, I think I'm somewhere in south Hollywood... I think. Fucking club owner must've thought I was some OD junkie or whatever and had his men dump me someplace. Oh, and where was my posse when all that happened? Probably fagging it up back at the apartment! I knew they'd fuck me over like this, it's so like them, especially that cunt Shego!

Yuck, my clothes are so ruined! I should go back there and... oh fuck it, I'm not in the mood. This is all their fault, my so called friends, back stabbers! I'll fucking claw their eyes out! I don't have a watch on me but the streets are, like, totally empty and it's not too bright out, must be like, way early right now. I stumble around, I don't know if it's the hang over or sleeping against a curb that's messing me up more. I come across some bitchin' clothes store and a nice, hefty trash and I get this wicked smart idea. Alright, take a deep breath, change into someone who can lift this thing and smash it through that window. When the glass shattered and the alarm started going off, I had to double over and throw up. Fuck, I must've spun around too fast or something, I'm so dizzy. Fucking must've put something in my Cosmos last night, slimy... shit, I think the asshole who runs the place is from one of the commie countries. Oh screw it, too dizzy to think about it.

Well this sucks, even if I could walk straight, there's no way I'd find something decent in my size before the cops show up. I duck into the alley and find somewhere private to sober up. God, my head is fucking killing me! Takes more over an hour just to remember that I can just make clothes from my skin until I get back home. I so hope no one gets a picture of me doing this. I strip down to my undies, dump the trashed rags into a dumpster and just look like someone else with a new set of clothes. I can still hear sirens, I better lay low until they're gone. Oh well, I still got ten bucks on me, might as well grab a tall soy latte and sober up.

It takes a while to get used to walking without crashing into something but I can't find a damn Starbucks anywhere! Hello, there should be one at every corner, don't these people know anything about, you know, supply and demand? I demand these fuckers supply me with a soy latte! Lame, I gotta settle with this shitty hole of a café. Really don't want to go in, it's soooo... normal people.

I walk up to the homely looking woman, god these people are creepy. "Uhh... tall..." Oh god this is lame, she might actually try to talk to me. "Tall soy non fat mocha latte?"

She just looks at me. Fuck, doesn't she know how ugly she is, stop looking at me you hag! "Sorry hun, we only serve coffee here."

Oh, really funny you fucking antique. "Just give me something with no real sugar and fat free." I hand her the money and slump over the counter. I'm still way too out of it, I get dizzy but it's on and off and it's fucking annoying. She puts a styrofoam cup in front of me. Shit, I might be a crook but at least I don't piss all over the environment. "Whatever..." I don't even know why I said that, I can't think straight.

I force that the swill the dinosaur calls coffee and try to focus on their lame-o, NOT HD television. I thought tax dollars were spent on destroying places like this, you know, for the public good? Even worse, every three seconds I remember I'm sitting in this dive in my underwear! Around these freaks! I almost puke right there! Takes a while but I finally start seeing and hearing the TV okay. "_...anks will be in Rwanda next week in his world wide charity tour. In local news, police are still looking for former celebutante turned international criminal, Camille Leon. Leon was reportedly spotted in the Hollywood area after posing as Britina. She evaded arrest and is still at large._"

Oh my god, this is, like, so totally lame. I know Shego is going to fucking bitch about this, I swear to god! "_With the recent string of thefts two nights ago in the near by area accredited to the former television star, Adrena Lynn. Along with reports of a mugging last night in a residential area have lead local authorities to believe that infamous 'super-criminal' and international terrorist, Shego, might also be in the Hollywood area and that, most likely, the three are in hiding together._"

What the fuck, terrorist? Talk about over reacting. "_Reports still sketchy but the brutalized victims described their muggers as a pair of athletic women, one of them with sharp nails and a slight green complection hidden under a smeared layer of makeup. We urge citizens to call the number on the screen with any information that might lead to the arrest of these three women who are still wanted for the grisly prison massacre that took place nearly one year ago._"

All I could do was sit there, on that nasty cheap vinyl stool, while it all sank into the pit of my stomach. Don't lose it, don't puke. "I can't believe a bunch of harden monsters can be hiding in our own backyard." I nearly drop my piss coffee when I heard that, not that it would've been a big lose. It was the old bat that said it.

"Yeah," some jack ass with a pedophile mustache was talking now. "All sorts of crazies in L.A. but wow, those three are pure evil."

"I hope they don't try them here, people like them should be executed. I know that's not a popular sentiment in this state but when I was in Texas, a killer goes on death row." Fucking cow! I knock my coffee over on her before heading to the door. "Hey!"

"Bite my ass!" Oh god, I think I'm starting to panic! Shit, why did I agree to team up with them? They're going to get me arrested again! I didn't even kill anyone during that riot! I was smart, I hid, I slipped out the door! Those bitches! They couldn't just escape, Shego just had to get all righteous over some skinny little bitch who killed herself! She's crazy, I know it, that green shit she's always throwing around must've leaked into her brain while her hands were locked up, that's it. Oh, that doesn't matter anymore, not now anyway. What I should be worried about is what the fuck do I do now? Do I ditch? Why not, those thunder cunts ditched me last night! But they're muscle, what if the cops stop me? I can change into something wicked tough but I can't fight worth shit. Fine, I'll go back to them but we're leaving L.A.! I can't believe those two ruined my favorite place in the world for me. Once we start stealing some big money, I'm going to fucking lose those two and hide out in the Caymans.

I walk around in the streets for a while, no cops, no sirens and my head's starting to feel alright again. About two blocks later, I can see something. It's those bitches! Shego and Lynn are eating at some gag-inducing fast food place, right out in the open! How fucking retarded can you get, eating out when the whole city's gunning for you? Alright, just approach them, give them your fake smile and we'll be out of here before they can lock us all up again. Of course, this has to be the day I get jumped, too. When I pass by an alley, someone grabs me and tosses me to the ground, hard. "Hey, the fuck is your problem!" I scream out, I was so pissed off.

When I look up, I thought I was still drunk or something. It's a fucking ninja! Now, I hang out with a fire shooting supervillain and an ex-TV starlet and I fucking change shapes and now I'm being harassed by a fucking ninja. Seriously, I need a vacation. "Dishonorable vagrant! I will not be fooled by your deceit. Reveal your true nature, Camille Leon, it is time to pay for your crimes!"

Damn she's mouthy for a ninja, I thought those chinks were suppose to be all quiet and mysterious. She sure does talks funny though, fucking can't understand a word she's saying. "You idiot, I'm going to fucking sue you!" She's coming for me, now I'm sure she knows who I am. Fine, fuck it, ninjas are easy to beat up anyway. I've seen them get fucked over millions of times, it's like an action movie rule. I turn big and beefy and swing a punch, fuck it's hard to keep myself in this shape this early in the damn morning. She ducks it and hits me right between the ribs. That fucking hurts! It makes me change back and gasp for air. "You fucking gook! I'm gonna fucking shove a bottle up your ass and bash your narrow eyes in with a brick!"

"Your profanity only exposes your desperation. Surrender now and this confrontation will end peacefully." Oh, fuck you! Now I get creative. She wants to play kung-fu bitch? I'll give her some mantis style with a huge fucking pair of mantis claws! Turning into animal parts always makes me so damn stiff afterwards and sooo ugly but it'll be worth it to watch her guts spill out on the floor! I take some big swings and she breaks my arm at the elbow with just one knee swing! The cracking sound was sick and the pain was too much, I snapped back into my normal form, undies and all, and fell on my knees, crying from how much it fucking hurt. The next thing I remember is a fist to the face and everything going black. From a million miles away, I can hear her talking, probably to gloat. "Know today, monster, that you have faced justice and lost. When you remember this defeat, remember that it was Yori who humbled you." Fucking Chinese cunt...


End file.
